Baldness and Other White People Problems

Last night I Netflixed a film called HappyThankYouMorePlease, a pretty heavy-handed and overdone piece of work presumably intended to be Josh Radnor’s Garden State. While I could devote an entire post to what amounts in my mind to a pseudo-indie failure, I’d prefer to focus on an unspoken concept raised in the film: in our culture, anything pertaining to female baldness, both the event or any solution to it is acceptable, whereas either is criminal and unacceptable in the case of men. 

The film features Malin Akerman playing a character afflicted with Alopecia, an autoimmune disorder brought to fame and hilarity by Stan Sitwell in Arrested Development, a family rival Lucille refers to as, “an alpaca.” The most noted symptom of the disease is a complete loss of hair, which is explored in minor detail in Radnor’s film. Akerman’s character elects to often wear wraps on her head to in some ways disguise the baldness, and every now and again walks around without it. All entirely acceptable. Also, should any female with a disease resulting in baldness, or simply have the genetic makeup which results in baldness elect to wear a wig, nobody thinks anything of it. Again, should a man do something like this, it’s as objectionable as it is laughable.

Part of this to me is the language. Women wear wigs. A wig is a clothing or costuming prop used for all sorts of things, almost all of them positive. Actors wear them to immerse themselves into film roles or for sketch comedy. Strippers wear them to enhance their look and to become blonde. Chemotherapy patients sometimes elect to wear them as well. Absolutely nothing about the use of a wig in a conventional context is negative, therefore a woman using one for cosmetic reasons feels less awful.

Men don’t wear wigs. If you hear of a man wearing a wig, you think of the revolutionary war era, or some kind of English judge. Yet a wig is hair you attach to your head. The terms for these for men are as we all know, toupee–a French word that just sounds like something a dickhead would use. Or “piece,” “rug,” etc. it’s all negative. As is the perception of any man who would steep to use such a thing.

Consider, as an example, Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven has been a steadily working actor since, let’s say the early nineties, as he began being featured in Cusack films and on The Larry Sanders Show. His popularity skyrocketed in his role as Ari Gold on Entourage, and as soon as he became a noted, well-known actor, talk of his hair came up. Whether or not he’s wearing a hairpiece, or has gotten plugs. It’s the fourth search term that pops up when you google him. And as you’d imagine, it’s not in any way laudatory:

Granted, Family Guy shreds everyone, but they’re not alone in this case. Ari Gold is a character who looks and acts a certain way, and probably isn’t bald. Why wouldn’t you find a way to look the part for a career-making role? When Christian Bale loses all that weight for The Fighter, or speaks in an American accent during press tours for the Batman franchise, they hand him Oscars. But if Piven uses hair of some stripe that doesn’t naturally grow on his head, he’s a dick.